The virtue of your pristine skin
Impaled upon my poisoned pen
Will swell my cheek with stifled mirth
I cast your values down to earth!
Your prudish howls of outrage flee
Before my sabled sense of glee
For sacred good I have no time
I'm busy with my nasty rhymes
Of naughty deeds my verse regales
For what's a wag without a tale?
I want to make small children cry
And the hope of saints to ebb and die
My insult's now almost complete
Your just dessert, a raspberry treat!
To those who whine that I disgrace
I present my arse for your embrace!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Looking Forward to Closing This Sale
My enthusiasm for having a sale on my house pending has been tempered by all the last minute annoyances associated with the repairs that were made necessary by the burglary last year. For those who may not be familiar with this sad story, some unidentified person (who was never acquainted with his father as a result of his mother's failure to secure a marriage license. Presumably the fleet sortied before these arrangements could be completed) broke into the basement of my empty house that was for sale, and stole all the copper pipe he could lay his hands on quickly and conveniently. The process of getting the door installed proved to be excruciating in the extreme. The plumbing work was completed weeks ago and I supposed that it would not be a source of any further concern. I was mistaken.
I was shocked and saddened to discover during the home inspection that when the plumber was replacing copper pipes that had been stolen, he overlooked one pipe. there was a line that connected the drain underneath the kitchen sink to the main drain in the basement. We discovered it was missing when the home inspector turned on the kitchen sink and water started pouring out into the cabinet. This was somewhat embarrassing as you can well imagine.
I contacted the plumber last week and told the person who answered about the problem. What I left unstated (since I thought it would be understood) was that I had already received a check from my insurance company as a payout on a claim and that the payout was based on the plumber's original estimate. As far as I am concerned, the cost of completing this work was fully stated in the estimate. The person I first spoke to said he would deliver a message. I did not receive a return call.
I left another message earlier this week with the secretary, and she assured me with the most darling and cheerful attitude that the plumber would "make it right". I should be so lucky. I received a voicemail from the owner yesterday saying that while he would be pleased to complete this work, there would be an additional cost. This voicemail made me unhappy.
I sent a politely worded email yesterday insisting that he complete this work since it should have been done in the first place. Since the relationship we have previously enjoyed was never marred with misunderstanding, I have always considered word-of-mouth arrangements to be suitable and convenient for all parties. From now on, all communications will be in writing (this means business!). Even though this email was dispatched to the plumber yesterday afternoon, there was still no reply as of noon today.
So around 1:00, I sent the plumber an ultimatum.
Now I appreciate that some might ask, "If you want someone to agree with you, is it really wise to seek out a confrontation? Isn't an ultimatum too harsh?" Perhaps so; but I'm not willing to admit as much just yet. A classic ultimatum includes three essential elements; a demand; a deadline; and a threat. Below is the ultimatum I sent to my plumber. Judge for yourself whether I have been too aggressive for my own good.
Jolly Plumbing:
Yesterday I sent an email for which I have yet to receive a reply. Please know that since this email refers to a service issue on a property that is pending a closing on a contract for sale in two weeks, I consider a prompt reply a matter of urgency. I have attached a copy of yesterday’s email.
I will restate my request from yesterday’s email to have the replacement of the missing drain pipe in the basement of 422 Highway Avenue completed without additional costs to me, but with one modification. I am willing to pay for the additional cost of materials for the replacement of the drain pipe from the kitchen to the basement. However, I remain unwilling to pay for any additional labor costs. I am convinced that the replacement of this drain pipe should have been included in the original work, and I do not think it is reasonable to charge me for additional labor in completing this work.
I think that any third party reviewing the circumstances of this contract would agree that a home owner would not contract a plumber to replace some, but not all, of the pipes stolen during a burglary. My intention clearly was to have all the stolen pipes replaced. While I might concede that I would have incurred the material costs in any event, the labor cost I have already incurred should be sufficient to have the job completed in its entirety.
I must emphasize my need for a quick response from you to this email. The deadline of the pending sale causes this urgency. I need to know your intentions no later than noon Eastern Standard Time on Friday 09 April 2010. I have an urgent preference to resolving this matter amicably between us, and without referring to any outside or third parties for solution.
Respectfully,
JD Carruthers
I guess we will see tomorrow how well this works.
I was shocked and saddened to discover during the home inspection that when the plumber was replacing copper pipes that had been stolen, he overlooked one pipe. there was a line that connected the drain underneath the kitchen sink to the main drain in the basement. We discovered it was missing when the home inspector turned on the kitchen sink and water started pouring out into the cabinet. This was somewhat embarrassing as you can well imagine.
I contacted the plumber last week and told the person who answered about the problem. What I left unstated (since I thought it would be understood) was that I had already received a check from my insurance company as a payout on a claim and that the payout was based on the plumber's original estimate. As far as I am concerned, the cost of completing this work was fully stated in the estimate. The person I first spoke to said he would deliver a message. I did not receive a return call.
I left another message earlier this week with the secretary, and she assured me with the most darling and cheerful attitude that the plumber would "make it right". I should be so lucky. I received a voicemail from the owner yesterday saying that while he would be pleased to complete this work, there would be an additional cost. This voicemail made me unhappy.
I sent a politely worded email yesterday insisting that he complete this work since it should have been done in the first place. Since the relationship we have previously enjoyed was never marred with misunderstanding, I have always considered word-of-mouth arrangements to be suitable and convenient for all parties. From now on, all communications will be in writing (this means business!). Even though this email was dispatched to the plumber yesterday afternoon, there was still no reply as of noon today.
So around 1:00, I sent the plumber an ultimatum.
Now I appreciate that some might ask, "If you want someone to agree with you, is it really wise to seek out a confrontation? Isn't an ultimatum too harsh?" Perhaps so; but I'm not willing to admit as much just yet. A classic ultimatum includes three essential elements; a demand; a deadline; and a threat. Below is the ultimatum I sent to my plumber. Judge for yourself whether I have been too aggressive for my own good.
Jolly Plumbing:
Yesterday I sent an email for which I have yet to receive a reply. Please know that since this email refers to a service issue on a property that is pending a closing on a contract for sale in two weeks, I consider a prompt reply a matter of urgency. I have attached a copy of yesterday’s email.
I will restate my request from yesterday’s email to have the replacement of the missing drain pipe in the basement of 422 Highway Avenue completed without additional costs to me, but with one modification. I am willing to pay for the additional cost of materials for the replacement of the drain pipe from the kitchen to the basement. However, I remain unwilling to pay for any additional labor costs. I am convinced that the replacement of this drain pipe should have been included in the original work, and I do not think it is reasonable to charge me for additional labor in completing this work.
I think that any third party reviewing the circumstances of this contract would agree that a home owner would not contract a plumber to replace some, but not all, of the pipes stolen during a burglary. My intention clearly was to have all the stolen pipes replaced. While I might concede that I would have incurred the material costs in any event, the labor cost I have already incurred should be sufficient to have the job completed in its entirety.
I must emphasize my need for a quick response from you to this email. The deadline of the pending sale causes this urgency. I need to know your intentions no later than noon Eastern Standard Time on Friday 09 April 2010. I have an urgent preference to resolving this matter amicably between us, and without referring to any outside or third parties for solution.
Respectfully,
JD Carruthers
I guess we will see tomorrow how well this works.
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